Archive | February, 2012

The Day That Doesn’t Count

29 Feb

We were talking with our resident Steed earlier this week and the concept of a Leap Day came up.  Steed had never heard of this calendar phenomenon before, so we gave him a quick rundown.  He pretty much zoned out everything except for the basic idea of getting an extra day every four years, but as far as the extra day thing was concerned, he was floored. 

You could see the wheels in his head turning rapidly to process this world-altering news, and judging by the mischievous glint that soon appeared in his eyes, it was clear that his personal vision of a Leap Day was a bit skewed.  To find out a bit more, we casually asked if he could share some of the ways he would celebrate such a Day.  It’s still not clear what he truly believes about the workings of Leap Day, or if he even knows that 2012 is a Leap Year.  But he definitely has some bold plans.

Steed:  “So this Leap Day business up and went and blew my mind when I heard about it recently, and after I chewed it over for a bit, the only thing I could think of for the next several days was how amazing a Free Day is going to be, and what kind of things I should do when it comes about.  Since there are only 24 hours in a day, the magic runs out quickly, and there isn’t time to do just quite everything.  But I still have quite an action-packed list to get through.

Enjoy an ice-cold six pack of Bartles & Jaymes.

This might seem a trivial thing to do when the world is open at your feet, but I have been quietly craving these brightly hued beauties for years.  Of course, to be seen drinking them by anyone would take away any shred of respect I still have.  So I can only eye them wistfully on their shelves as I reach for the same old microbrew again and again.  But not on my Free Day!  I can drink whatever I want and it will never matter.  I’ll have to do some flavor research so I’m ready when the time comes.  With options like Sangria and Fuzzy Navel, this is no easy choice.

Experience the zoo.

I don’t know about you, but to me the zoo is full of tantalizing potential that could never be realized – unless it’s a Free Day.  At a really nice zoo the animals have all kinds of fun areas to jaunt around in, with the water exhibits in particular looking like the greatest pools I could ever imagine.  If my Leap Day happened to find me at the zoo, I would jump at the opportunity to smoke a little grah, throw the board shorts on, and spend an awesome hour swimming around with the river otters.  Don’t tell me you wouldn’t have a good time going down a fake waterfall with a couple of carefree otters.

‘Borrow’ a Metro Bus or a police horse.

The question of bus or horse comes down to whichever I come across unattended first.  These are two powerful forms of transportation that scream “Joy Ride,” and are left unattended in crowded areas far more often than one would expect.  The allure of a police horse is pretty self-explanatory – I’m getting emotional even now at the thought of galloping shirtless through the city streets while ladies swoon all around me.  For the bus, I can admit to being a little envious of those gloved Metro drivers as they casually swing their extended Super Buses in graceful arcs around street corners.  The chance to be at the helm of that iron dragon as I power through town is too tempting to pass up on a Day That Doesn’t Count.

Quit in spectacular fashion.

I know I’m not the only one with a boss who seems to delight in stealing my joie de vivre every chance he gets, and I would jump at the chance to get a Leap Day opportunity of saying Fuck You, I’m Out with no repurcussions.  I definitely don’t want to just leave it at a verbal F U, however.  I’ve been watching flamboyant scenes of quitting in movies and TV for years now, and I’m definitely ready to take my own shot at it.  As soon as my boss makes his first inappropriate comment of the day, I’ll throw everything off of my desk with one sweep of my arm.  Not Today Steve, I’ll say, as I march down to the corner office to take a page out of Eduardo’s playbook.  I’ll throw the boss’ laptop down on the ground, coolly say You Better Lawyer Up Asshole, and give his secretary a passionate smooch on my way out the door.

Rush the playfield, sans pants.

I’ve always thought about the pure adrenaline rush that must come from streaking through a nationally-publicized sporting event.  The flashbulbs are popping, there are millions of eyes watching out in TV land, and all of a sudden you take center stage in your full uncensored glory.  That would truly be a once-in-a-lifetime thrill, but the rough takedowns and criminal charges that accompany such a stunt have always held me back from going for it.  But not when it Doesn’t Count.  Then it’s definitely going down, and to make the most of it, I would look for the biggest sporting event around on that specific day.  Basketball court, baseball diamond, football field – one of those will be my canvas as I present a work of living art to the world.  I’m going to start training with some wind sprints today.

Get my music on the radio.

Okay, so this may be taking a page out of the Airheads playbook.  But that movie was a borderline classic and I have no reservations about following in Sandler’s footsteps.  I’ve been working on my full-length album “This One’s For You, Dad” for over 13 years now, and it is 10 tracks of keyboard-fueled power pop.  Like most masterpieces, I feel as though it may be well ahead of its time, based upon some questionable feedback I’ve gotten.  This is fine with me, but one of my dreams is to hear my tunes on the radio and I’m a bit worried that when the album finally does break through, I’ll be long gone.  So the Free Day provides a perfect opportunity for me to take my destiny in my own hands, and bum rush the local Hot 100 station with copies of my demos.  Since anything goes on Free Day, I’ll just use my black-belt skills to work my way to the DJ station, and will force that record to hit the airwaves.  A dream comes true.

‘Rob’ a bank.

By no means am I saying that I would like to do a Heat-style robbery, which is not in my pacifist nature.  But I’m a big fan of The Clooney, and I’ve watched that playful scamp make robbing banks look downright sexy for years.  I’ve always thought that I could pull off a small heist if I really put my mind to it, so isn’t Free Day the perfect time to try it out?  Even if you get caught, it won’t count at the end of the day anyways, right?  So, anyways, I’m thinking I could either do an Out of Sight plan or an Ocean’s Eleven plan.  With the Sight route, I’ll just saunter into my local megabank, slide a note to the hottest teller while flashing a brilliant smile, and saunter on out with a bag of bills in one hand and the teller in the other.  If I’m feeling more ambitious with an Ocean’s plan, I’d recruit another of my playfully handsome buddies to be Brad Pitt, and we’ll do something crazy like build a fake armored truck and use it to make money pick ups all over the city.  Might burn up a few more hours on Free Day than I would hope, but goodness what a story.

Tell Leila [redacted] how I really feel.

This one is pretty specific to me, but I know there are a lot of you out there that have someone like Leila in your life.  She is a standout beauty with radiant brown eyes and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her since we first met a couple of months ago.  I’ve never got up the nerve to tell her how I feel, but the Free Day is the perfect opportunity to go all out.  She’s a one-of-a-kind lady, so I’ll have to go Big with my expression of love.  I’m thinking I’ll head to the Il Fornaio downtown when she’s working, and pull the fire alarm as she’s waiting on a table.  The sprinklers will start, setting the stage for an epic romantic scene.  Diners will rush out as I go to her in the rain, face-palming my competition, the douchey bartender Dale, on the way over.  I’ll shout that I Can’t Stop Thinking About You, and maybe add that I’ve been writing her for 365 days.  Hopefully she will jump into my arms and we’ll stroll out as new lovers.

Whatever you do, just make sure your Free Day is unforgettable.  They don’t come along often.”

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A Truly Delicious Oscar (Mayer) Recap

27 Feb

It was no coincidence that, on the same day as the 84th annual Academy Awards, arguably the biggest celebration of scripted entertainment, I crossed paths with the number one symbol of processed food, the Oscar Mayer Weiner Mobile. My love of processed meat (beef kosher) stretches back to a time when David Hasselhoff referred to himself as a serious actor and Daryl Hannah was still riding the Wall Street wave into another role in a made for TV movie.  This passion for chopped bits of something that at one time was alive is very similar to the American public’s obsession with the Academy Awards; no matter the grossly overt commercialization or the inherent lack of substance, the voracity at which this plastic-like product is consumed is astonishing. The 3-hour injection of pizzazz is designed to shock the mind and body, almost more so than the very films that it is in place to honor. If I did not know better, I would think that this yearly parade of pomp is nothing more than a publicity beacon aimed at deepening the pockets and strengthening the ego’s of those who so are desperately in need of both. But, thanks to many personal late night appearances at karaoke bars across the state of North Carolina, I understand the need for recognition when a masterpiece is created, and I fully support the Academy and its pursuit in furthering the cinematic arts.

No Academy Awards is complete without a walk down the red carpet. This year’s Oscar for the best velvet performance goes to none other than Sacha Baron Cohen, who, on multiple occasions in the past week, has taken international diplomacy into his own hands. Although Baron Cohen was cautioned to keep it civil, his imaginative persona of “The Dictator” did strike in full force and his target was none other than Carson Daly’s arch nemesis, Ryan Seacrest. I enjoyed watching Mr. Seacrest numbly ponder his impending response, while also questioning if the ashes on his body were actually authentic human. If you missed the video, check it out below.

After an hour of watching hot celebs strut their stuff on the red carpet while being yelled at by a crowd that rivals the Cameron Crazies, the real show finally kicked off with a song and dance by the host, and our favorite city slicker, Billy Crystal. To be honest, I was indifferent to his performance, but I also did not like Ghost Rider 3D, so my opinion is void. However, I am fairly in tune with the beat of the drum that is hipster culture, and if the Academy wants this Converse wearing consumer to view its precious award ceremony next year, it better move Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis to the top of the list for next year’s hosting duo.

The night continued in usual Oscar fashion with tributes to industry icons, a jaw dropping performance advertisment for Cirque Du Soleil and a much needed comedy bit from our favorite super hero, Robert Downey Jr. The two films that stole the night, The Artist and Hugo, deserved the awards they received and only left a bitter taste in the mouth of George Clooney, which was promptly removed by Stacy Keibler’s tongue. Overall, the show gets a B, however it would have been a C, but I only remember seeing Justin Bieber’s face one time, and that automatically adds some extra credit points.

Personal Soundtrack

26 Feb

The Song

We Could Forever by Bonobo

 

Bonobos are a species of great apes that aren’t as well known as chimpanzees, their close relatives in the animal world.  Their relative anonymity is a shame, because they are amazing creatures that love to party.  Seriously – they are most known among anthropologists (people in the know) for their high levels of sexual behavior.  They use sex in nearly all of their group interactions, and have been observed employing and enjoying a staggering variety of sexual positions.  Bonobos are great, so it makes sense that their musical namesake is top-notch as well.  Simon Green is the man behind Bonobo, and under that moniker he’s released laid-back, dynamic electronic music that draws upon jazz, hip-hop, and distinct global sounds.

“We Could Forever” comes from Bonobo’s 2010 album “Black Sands,” and it provides the backdrop for the best international dance party you’ve never had.  The track has a humming energy from the get-go, with an urgent cymbal tap backing a percolating rhythm.  The song’s frenetic jam nears a cresting point near the halfway point, but right when you take a breath, a flute goes bananas in a breakdown and the groove continues.  “Forever” exemplifies the unique greatness of Bonobo’s music – it has instruments and sounds culled from all areas of world music, combined with electronic touches that create an immensely satisfying groove.  Sometimes Bonobo provide a funky rhythmic backdrop to your chillout time, and sometimes with songs like “We Could Forever,” they drop the subtlety and implore you to start dancing.

The Activity

You’re trekking through a lush jungle somewhere near the equator, alone with your thoughts and the low buzz of insects.  Your shirt clings to your back in the humid air and even though it’s nighttime, you have no problem finding your way under the brilliant pearly light of the full moon.  You came on this trip to get away from the grind of everyday life, and find some adventure that you’ve been sorely lacking lately.  So far, everything’s been great with your stay in this tropical and foreign land, but you still don’t feel as if you’ve had any truly crazy experiences.  You took a local’s suggestion and ventured out on a night hike, hoping to find something, and were disappointed until the faint sounds of music reached your ear.

You stopped to gauge direction, and followed the rhythmic pounding of drums as they got louder and louder.  Finally, you come upon a clearing among the vines, and find a vibrant, throbbing circle of people dancing and playing instruments around a bright fire.  There are people from all walks of life, from locals to the beautiful Australian travelers you noticed at your hostel earlier, and they are all in varying states of dance and disrobe.  You move cautiously forward into the clearing, and are noticed by a young Brazilian couple who smile and groove over your way.  The woman grabs your hand as you ask What Is This Place?  The man hands you a gourdlike instrument to shake, and simply says Dança.  And you do.

Letters From Lyle

24 Feb

All of us feint and parry with new adulthood in different ways, and for some, that involves staying in the warm embrace of the parental household until the mid-20’s.  When you’re finally ready (or when Dad’s tired of you blacking out on his $700 Scotch) it is a momentous occasion, filled with peaks and valleys of emotion.  Our friend Lyle is currently beginning such a move, taking the carpool lane straight from his parent’s basement to his own place.  We asked him to write us with updates and reflections, like a Lewis & Clark of the YA set.  His dispatches are presented here, somewhat uncensored.  This is real.

A Brand New Day For a Bold Young Man

 

Dear Dan,

Cheers to new beginnings, my friends. The only thing scarier than leaving the nest is perhaps never leaving the nest at all. But in less than a weeks’ time, I will embark on the epic journey of relocating all of my belongings to a place that, for the first time in my life, I can actually call my own.  [Editor’s note: read “my own” as Mr. Gans’ newest investment]

I already know what you all are thinking, “But Ly, why would you leave behind a life of zero bills, endless amenities and an IP address that has been tracked more times than Guppys.com?”

Don’t get me wrong, as much as I love coming home to a mother that has so ritualistically burrowed herself into my private life that she’s chosen my last four girlfriends, I think I’ll take my chances on the outside world. A world where empty Zima bottles will be lined up as far as the eye can see, and personal bleeze day will no longer be a figment of my imagination.  [Ed.’s note:  These have never been figments of his imagination, unless this is Inception and he’s everyone’s Leo]

Can I guarantee success and personal independence? No. But can I sleep in the same bed as my girlfriend without my dad in the other room asking both of us to keep clapping our hands so he knows it’s PG?   Hell yes. Chances are that I will succeed and never have to look back. And even if I don’t, ah, who cares… push a cat off a ledge and it will always land on its feet.  Life is all about taking chances and new opportunities.

Pandas are real, politics blow, and Dan Swanky’s rules.  I’m out this bitch.

 

Warmest Regards,

Lyle Gans

 

Friday Relief

24 Feb

Happy Friday! By now your boss is gone, so take off that blazer and throw on the party jacket. Have a great weekend!

[For those with limited time, the action begins at 30 seconds.]

Doing It Live: Sleigh Bells

22 Feb

Sleigh Bells at the Mayan Theater, February 21, 2012.

Brooklyn-based group Sleigh Bells released their sophomore album Reign of Terror on Tuesday, and played a sold-out show at the Mayan Theater in Los Angeles to commemorate the occasion.  Although familiar with the band from their first album Treats, we hadn’t been to one of their shows before, and weren’t sure what to expect.  In this era of breathless blog hype surrounding ‘bands-of-the-moment,’ new artists can make a big splash on the merits of having a unique sound, without necessarily having the musical chops to sustain success after an initial breakthrough.  After their novelty has worn off, does a new group simply sound dated, or can they produce consistently great music?

Sleigh Bells is a great example of this question, as they have a distinct sound that felt refreshingly new when they hit the scene a couple of years ago.  Often referred to as “noise pop,” the majority of their songs have the sound pushed up to distortion levels and feature pounding drum machine loops with crunchy guitar riffs.  Fronted by the melodic voice of Alexis Krauss, the group’s first batch of songs were aggressive rockers that had a pop sensibility underlying them, and they were able to build up an ecletic fan base of indie scenesters and harder rock fans.  Will Sleigh Bells be able to keep building fans and rocking faces for the foreseeable future?  Live performances can often be a good indicator of whether or not a band is for real, so the show at the Mayan provided a chance to see what this band has to offer at a notable point in their early career.

The night got off to an uneven start, with a bit of a strange vibe in the air.  The Mayan is a pretty unique venue, as its jungle theme makes one feel as if you’ve stepped in to a drug-fueled lost episode of Legends Of The Hidden Temple.  It is cool in a very weird way, but the night’s opening act seemed to struggle with the theater’s acoustics and it wasn’t clear if Sleigh Bells would have the same issues.  Any doubts of that dissipated as soon as Krauss and guitarists Derek E. Miller and Jason Boyer took to the stage and seized control of it for the next hour.  The band started out with two new tracks that were delivered with enough energy to get the capacity crowd started, but it was when they broke into their first old song, “Riot Rhythm,” that the raw power of their live act fully appeared.

Krauss promptly ripped through a series of Treats songs, and had the crowd in her hands from then on.  Yowling and prowling the stage, she took the drum machines and deafening riffs to another level, displaying a focused showmanship and true rock god(dess) potential.  At some points she was alone on stage, backed only by the towering stacks of Marshall amps, but she refused to let that dampen the energy in any way.  The songs from the new album sagged a bit, but for familiar tunes like “A/B Machines” and “Straight A’s” the crowd upfront was going fucking bananas, with bras and shirts flying at the stage from all angles.  It was a testament to the magnetic power of Krauss’ performance that the group’s quietest song, “Rill Rill,” didn’t lower the energy level at all.

The full set for the band burned hot and fast, coming in at a little under an hour.  The short time left the audience wanting more, and seemed well-suited to Sleigh Bells’ propensity for hopping from one quick, loud burst of noise to the other.  There didn’t seem to be any disappointed faces in the crowd filing out, and the band’s live power would appear to bode well for their staying power as a unique new voice in the music world.  Their brand of music is heavily influenced by heavy metal and pounding hip-hop, and at points the show they put on last night rocked much harder then most “modern rock” bands ever will.  As long as Krauss is getting heads banging like Ozzy and pals used to, Sleigh Bells will be worth the price of admission – and then some.

Steed Alert – Power of Love

22 Feb

[Editor’s note: It is our intention to educate the masses on the cast of characters that make America, AMERICA. These are people who frequent smoke stained bars, live life on the edge (of something), and, even after being sprayed with bear mace, seem to enjoy a leisurely ride in the back of a police car. We don’t support their actions, or lifestyle choices, but without them, there wouldn’t be….. this column.]

Man Says He’s Sorry He Attacked Wife With Cleaver

The Steed: A self-admitted drug addict arrested on multiple charges after attacking his wife with a meat cleaver.

The quote: “I know she’s done some things, and I’ve done some things. But love conquers all. Let’s see if it can conquer this.”

Analysis: If the Chris Brown incident hasn’t made it clear, domestic violence is not cool. That said, it seems our Steed has been spending his down time doing whippets while switching between viewings of The Notebook and Fantasia. The walls of his imaginary world are lined with moving video screens that feature a nude Ryan Gosling singing and dancing to “The Power Of Love” by Huey Lewis and The News. Lucky for our Steed, he will have plenty of opportunity to memorize the lyrics to this classic love anthem, as he is destined for a first class correctional institute.

PLAY US OUT

On Bended Knee: Stag Festival

21 Feb

The mild frustration experienced by most men when faced with another engagement announcement on their Facebook news feed is not driven by anger or jealousy, but because they now have to scroll a bit further to find those new Cancun photos from their sister’s best friend’s college spring break. This indifference to weddings is a derivative of Bro culture’s loud techno beat of a message that forbids thinking of anything other than beach time and Gilt.com sales. However, the secret manly thrill of a wedding announcement appears in the form of what is known to many as a bachelor party and experienced by few as a stag festival.

The dotted line that separates a bachelor party from a stag festival is best walked sober, teased while buzzed and then crossed while fully intoxicated. Historically, these nights end at the intersection of camaraderie and foolishness, with little room for negotiations.  It is all about inner reflection (hallucinogenics), fasting (beer and red meat), and finally psychotherapy sessions with those friends who are closest to you (drunk wrestling). To plan a stag festival that rivals the barn-burner your Grandpa hosted in 1954, check out the tips below.

1) Location

Just as the dimensions of an art canvas dictate the magnitude of the final masterpiece, the location of a stag festival sets the final temperature of the celebration. Be it a wet and wild weekend in the Keys or a secluded wilderness retreat, some factors should be noted before selecting a locale.

  • Choose a mild weathered environment. A great portion of all stag festivals should occur in the outdoors, be that a dance patio or a bonfire, and unplanned bouts of hypothermia dampen any celebration. Nice weather also means that the deep-V and sleeveless shirt crowd can continue to define fashion for the rest of the crew.
  • Proximity to emergency services. To a sober 26 year-old, a 5ft tall bonfire is only a novelty. But, after a few wine coolers and a dip into the party favor bag, this same fire becomes a dance partner that won’t quit.

2) Activities

A bachelor party without bare skin is like a Baseball game without the boredom. No matter what the groom says, there must always be temptation. Now, before our female audience starts with the scathing letter’s to the editor, Dan Swanky’s is only offering tips, not unzipping your fiance’s pants. With that in mind, put whatever spin you would like on these PG-13 rated suggestions:

  • For those who have pockets as deep as the Marianas Trench, it isn’t that big of a stretch to try and replicate The Hangover. The places and people involved are less important than the utter insanity and arrests that will inevitably occur. The worst thing that can happen is that someone documents the event in real-time, so it is important to confiscate all media devices. Additionally, block off at least 2-3 days for an event of this magnitude, leaving enough time to make amends with the County Judge.
  • The classic poker night can be a great activity for a Stag Festival.  The classic poker night, when the balding 54-year old card dealer is replaced with a nude 23-year old card diva, can be a great activity for a Stag Festival. Also hire a “chef” of similar persuasion as your “card dealer” to deliver snacks and drinks throughout the evening. Unlike last year’s corporate retreat, this is the perfect opportunity to mix gambling, alcohol and high brow sexual harassment.

T.J. Lavin’s Masterpiece Theatre: Episode Four

17 Feb

[Our ongoing Swanky coverage of The Challenge: Battle of the Exes.  For an introduction, go here.  For the episodes: One, Two, Three]

The Art Of War

Secret meetings, tentative alliances, public betrayals.  If mastery of these elements is the key to political success in today’s society, then there are some Challenge veterans who should seriously consider running for their local government office.  The constant maneuvering and manipulation of relationships is a central component of every Challenge, and this week’s episode of Battle of the Exes gave us the first taste of this season’s particular brand of political mischief.

Johnny Bananas was at the forefront of the scheming this time around, which shouldn’t be a surprise.  He’s a successful vet, and has learned how to pull the strings in his favor.  He may not be particularly subtle, and it’s yet to be seen how this particular game works out for him, but he is definitely a formidable force in the House Politics that every contestant must survive.

It’s unclear if Johnny has studied Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War” prior to every season, but we sure have, and this week’s episode has led us to examine how Sun Tzu’s timeless principles can be applied in the cutthroat world of The Challenge.

The philosophy of battle strategy put forth in “The Art of War” is broken down initially into five basic factors.  For any Challenge Warrior striving for that prize money, this is a good place to start.

1)   Climate/Timing:  Sun Tzu spoke specifically about the actual weather changes, but these particular principles can be applied to The Challenge in the way contestants should monitor the momentum swings in the house.  For all the pre-game alliances someone may have going into a particular season, they can’t totally control aspects of the game such as challenge victories and simple accidents.  These uncontrollable events can shift momentum from team to team or person to person, and a skilled Challenge Warrior should be able to recognize these shifts.  Timing is crucial when you’re deciding whether to make a bold move, or lay low and wait.

 2)   Moral Ethics:  Few and far between.  Move on.

 3)   Terrain/Ground:  Tzu refers to these in literal terms, discussing the importance of your geographical location on the battlefield.  For The Challenge, this can pertain to the knowledge of your current status in the house hierarchy.  There can be many factors behind who is currently the ‘power team’ or ‘power player,’ such as dominance in physical challenges or pre-existing alliances, and for a newcomer it can be difficult to fully comprehend the unspoken rankings at any given moment.  But even though unspoken, these power positions are very real, and can affect who faces elimination every week.  Knowing where everyone stands can be a huge asset for a Challenge Warrior as they attempt to pull strings and climb to the top.

 4)   Leadership/Command:  This aspect of the “War” philosophy reasons that success on the battlefield is greatly dependent on the strength and wisdom of the person or persons in leadership roles.  For all the craziness going on in the world of The Challenge, there are still some intelligent and capable competitors whose track record of success reflects the importance of these qualities in the game.  Especially in a game like Battle of the Exes, where there are all kinds of situations with potential for emotional breakdowns, having a clear head and the willpower not to black out every night will take you far.

 5)   Methods:  Tzu emphasized that no matter what methods one uses in war, they should always be effective and efficient.  For a Challenge Warrior, this should mean that you have the freedom to bring your own personal style to the game, but if you want to get far, you’re going to have to keep things consistent and under control.  Contestants who have had success in the past have done it with different styles – Kenny’s unmatched egotism, Wes’ near-pathological dickishness, Laurel’s unhinged aggression – but they’ve all shared a confidence in their strengths are and a dedication to their initial gameplan.

Liner Notes

There’s no way that  the small-town bars the contestants get ferried out to every week are prepared for what’s coming their way.  At full strength, this group’s substance ingestion is fearsome, and the destruction they leave in their wake would put some rowdy frat houses to shame.  Some quiet owner of a local Dominican Republic bar probably jumped at the chance to host some “celebrities” from MTV for a few nights, and they got a Category 3 slurricane as a result.  Here’s to hoping they were properly compensated for the several weeks of cleanup duty they likely pulled.

At one point, Paula mentions that she ‘cannot’ (those quotes are intentional) hook up with Ty because she has a ‘boyfriend’ (those are too).  Now, Paula seems like a very nice person who means well.  But I would pay $10-15 to see and speak to her boyfriend, just to gauge what his game is.  He must be okay with open relationships, right?  Or has never seen MTV before?

We sincerely hope that CT is currently holding auditions for his new speed metal band Dome of Nagging Gremlins.

Friday Relief

17 Feb

Here is an amped up Ginger version of Star Wars Kid playing some basketball. Happy Friday!