A Truly Delicious Oscar (Mayer) Recap

27 Feb

It was no coincidence that, on the same day as the 84th annual Academy Awards, arguably the biggest celebration of scripted entertainment, I crossed paths with the number one symbol of processed food, the Oscar Mayer Weiner Mobile. My love of processed meat (beef kosher) stretches back to a time when David Hasselhoff referred to himself as a serious actor and Daryl Hannah was still riding the Wall Street wave into another role in a made for TV movie.  This passion for chopped bits of something that at one time was alive is very similar to the American public’s obsession with the Academy Awards; no matter the grossly overt commercialization or the inherent lack of substance, the voracity at which this plastic-like product is consumed is astonishing. The 3-hour injection of pizzazz is designed to shock the mind and body, almost more so than the very films that it is in place to honor. If I did not know better, I would think that this yearly parade of pomp is nothing more than a publicity beacon aimed at deepening the pockets and strengthening the ego’s of those who so are desperately in need of both. But, thanks to many personal late night appearances at karaoke bars across the state of North Carolina, I understand the need for recognition when a masterpiece is created, and I fully support the Academy and its pursuit in furthering the cinematic arts.

No Academy Awards is complete without a walk down the red carpet. This year’s Oscar for the best velvet performance goes to none other than Sacha Baron Cohen, who, on multiple occasions in the past week, has taken international diplomacy into his own hands. Although Baron Cohen was cautioned to keep it civil, his imaginative persona of “The Dictator” did strike in full force and his target was none other than Carson Daly’s arch nemesis, Ryan Seacrest. I enjoyed watching Mr. Seacrest numbly ponder his impending response, while also questioning if the ashes on his body were actually authentic human. If you missed the video, check it out below.

After an hour of watching hot celebs strut their stuff on the red carpet while being yelled at by a crowd that rivals the Cameron Crazies, the real show finally kicked off with a song and dance by the host, and our favorite city slicker, Billy Crystal. To be honest, I was indifferent to his performance, but I also did not like Ghost Rider 3D, so my opinion is void. However, I am fairly in tune with the beat of the drum that is hipster culture, and if the Academy wants this Converse wearing consumer to view its precious award ceremony next year, it better move Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis to the top of the list for next year’s hosting duo.

The night continued in usual Oscar fashion with tributes to industry icons, a jaw dropping performance advertisment for Cirque Du Soleil and a much needed comedy bit from our favorite super hero, Robert Downey Jr. The two films that stole the night, The Artist and Hugo, deserved the awards they received and only left a bitter taste in the mouth of George Clooney, which was promptly removed by Stacy Keibler’s tongue. Overall, the show gets a B, however it would have been a C, but I only remember seeing Justin Bieber’s face one time, and that automatically adds some extra credit points.

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