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Steed Alert – Power of Love

22 Feb

[Editor’s note: It is our intention to educate the masses on the cast of characters that make America, AMERICA. These are people who frequent smoke stained bars, live life on the edge (of something), and, even after being sprayed with bear mace, seem to enjoy a leisurely ride in the back of a police car. We don’t support their actions, or lifestyle choices, but without them, there wouldn’t be….. this column.]

Man Says He’s Sorry He Attacked Wife With Cleaver

The Steed: A self-admitted drug addict arrested on multiple charges after attacking his wife with a meat cleaver.

The quote: “I know she’s done some things, and I’ve done some things. But love conquers all. Let’s see if it can conquer this.”

Analysis: If the Chris Brown incident hasn’t made it clear, domestic violence is not cool. That said, it seems our Steed has been spending his down time doing whippets while switching between viewings of The Notebook and Fantasia. The walls of his imaginary world are lined with moving video screens that feature a nude Ryan Gosling singing and dancing to “The Power Of Love” by Huey Lewis and The News. Lucky for our Steed, he will have plenty of opportunity to memorize the lyrics to this classic love anthem, as he is destined for a first class correctional institute.