Friday Relief

 

On Bended Knee: Band or DJ?

(Editor’s Note: On Bended Knee delivers the gritty details of wedding planning straight from those with their ears to the pavement.)

Band or DJ?

The fading memories of high school dances are subtly enhanced by a seductive rhythm playing on repeat from the depths of a time we would rather forget. This subconscious harmony was the product of a fledgling DJ who still, 10 years later, uses lines from “Bye, Bye, Bye”  to attract women at bars that we haven’t frequented since they took our fake ID’s. Compare that memory to the pinnacle of live concerts (Dave Matthews Band at The Gorge to be precise) and the choice for wedding entertainment is obvious.

The only real objective decision is between a cover band or the local alt rock all stars. Both types of groups provide a unique atmosphere, however the choice is honestly best made on personal preference. Be sure to remember that intoxication of the performers plays a major role in the success of the event, although it is safe to say that regardless of the drug buffet provided, as long as alcohol is involved the night will go off without a hitch. Most modern day Wedding Singers prefer a few bumps of White Elephant before taking the stage, however if a Bohemian Cover Group is selected they might prefer top shelf grass, at a minimum.

Song selection is also a major component of every wedding. Most performers have an endless catalog of love ballads and mindless rock anthems to softly swoon party guests into near psychosis. We suggest tossing out all previous lists and requiring your band to learn new material. This encourages a minimum commitment to your gig and if they fail to play your requested songs you can always maximize cash flow later on in small claims court.

A few tips:

• Grooms, be sure to note the slow songs in advance so your best men have an opportunity to get the best partners before Uncle Trent realizes he isn’t at his usual dive bar on his usual Saturday night.
• Brides, be sure to brush up on your rebuttals, as you will be forced to dance with no less than 10 different men on your special night. No, not Prima Noctra.
• Ultimately, music is the mood of the party. A mix of slow and fast beats sets the stage for an unforgettable occasion.